Imaginary Fear

Everyone’s afraid of something

Most people have a reason for that fear.

A pain, a sorrow, a regret, a mistake

A secret one holds dear.

But then there’re those, or well, there’s me-

Who looks at life so differently.

I’ve got a past that’s golden sweet,

Nice, sheltered, and pampered.

So when an opportunity comes my way

Why do I hide or run away

I wish I could fly to the moon and back,

I want to get better every day and year

I want to do everything I know I can do

But how to get past my imaginary fear?

It’s not fair for me to hesitate,

I’ve got nothing to lose

It’s like I’m being pulled back from a fate

Not given the chance to choose

I see people kissing in the rain,

I see birthday wishes come true,

I see everyone fall in love,

So why can’t I let myself love you?

I wish I could fly to the moon and back,

I want to get better every day and year

I want to do everything I know I can do

But how to get past my imaginary fear?

There's no way out, I see that now.

Thank you for trying, anyhow.

One day this fear may set me free,

And life will bring you back to me.

Books

She's Come Undone, by Wally Lamb- Book about a girl who's life falls slowly apart, and only through rebirth and trial and error does she finally seem to understand the meaning behind it all. I'm not sure I'd recommend this to people, since it was slightly overwhelming/underwhelming.

Prince of Tides, by Pat Conroy- Good book. Really good language. Slightly sketchy plot, but otherwise really good. Great relationships, great understanding of the human mind and life. Definitely would recommend this to people.

The Corrections, by Jonathan Franzen- Good and bad. Probably wouldn't recommend it, either, due to its mundane-ness, but the language is pretty intriguing, and the characters are definitely characters.

The Good Psychologist

The Good Psychologist by Noam Shpancer was a very interesting read. Similar to The Interrogative Mood by Padgett Powell, this book really causes you to stop and think about each metaphor and each approach at life while reading it. The psychologist (unnamed in the novel) goes between his complicated life with Nina, another psychologist who had his child for herself and her husband; his teachings with an intelligent student ready to be married, a rebellious student who takes an interest in the psychologist's personal state, and a Christian who fails to grasp the concept of any faith other than religious faith; and his client who is a stripper with stage fright and a daughter that she wants to get back from her ex-husband. It's a really complicated novel, a very interesting novel, and a very well written novel. My biggest complaint would be the plot and overall flow of the story, being so disconnected and unending. It seemed rather to be a summary of this psychologist (the author, not the protagonist)'s world view in a sort of story form. Very interesting read, though I wouldn't read it again.

Madison

Madison is absolutely wonderful. I have already fallen in love with the city, with my apartment, and with everything you can do around here! I also love waking up early in the morning here. I know I am saying this as it is currently summer and not winter, but I am still hopeful that the winter won't kill me. I'll post pictures as soon as I get access to them (from my mom).

Monday- The drive was long, but it surprisingly wasn't as long as I thought it would be. I slept some of the way, which always helps. And driving the uhaul wasn't the worst thing in the world. After we arrived, we had some problems getting someone to get us into the apartment because it was Memorial Day. But eventually this really cool guy named Tyler who has a band, and he helped us move in. My roommate seems normal, which is always good. He has a lot less stuff than I do. Duh. We went to this neat little Asian restaurant for dinner and then to this awesome Walmart with an escalator for carts!

Tuesday- After sleeping in until 10:30 (Monday was a really long day!), we went to the library, and I got a new library card, then to Copps for a grocery rewards card, bought lunch there, and then decided we needed a nap. So we went back to my apartment and slept and read and spent most of the day being lazy. I went back to Copps to get breakfast foods since I only like cheerios and eggs.

Wednesday- We went downtown Wednesday, which involved driving around trying impossibly to find a place to park. But State Street was pretty awesome, and we had wonderful (and huge) gyros (pronounced geetos?) at a place called Panthenon Gyro's. Then we got smoothies at a cart stand, and grapes at a local market. I'd say we did some good food shopping! haha. Afterwards, we went home and I spent the rest of the night unpacking.

Thursday- I finally completely finished unpacking Thursday morning (after waking up at 5:30am). Then we went to the post office to pick up a package, where I got a super adorable dress! We came back home for lunch before going back out to the zoo and the Botanical Gardens. Then my mom dropped me off for dinner with some new Epic employees. We had a blast at dinner at Madison's before moving onto Old Fashion for some great cheese curds (and alcohol for the of-agers), then went to Genna's Lounge for a chill time, though I had my mom pick me up around 9:30 because I thought I wouldn't be able to get into Genna's, so she was already on her way. Too bad, though I'm glad 'cause I had to get her to the airport this morning at 6.

I start on Monday! I'm so excited.

New Life!

So I'm going to be moving to Madison in 3 days! I'm super pumped. So much to do in so little time. Once I get there, though, there's so much fun stuff to check out!

Shopping- They've got so much shopping in Madison. Now, I can't afford anything, but I really wanna check out the malls, the shopping centers, and State Street. One place I really want to check out is Hobby Lobby, because I want to learn how to sew! I always see people in the most adorable dresses and skirts, but every time I look online, they're way too expensive for me.

Dining- Wisconsin is known for its cheese and drinking. While I can't drink yet, I want to check out the food! So many different places to eat downtown. And a lot of them are bars- go figure.

Parks- There are thousands of parks in Wisconsin. I want to find one that would be perfect for a Saturday picnic! There are also lakes, but I have yet to figure out how to get on the lake! I would love to go on a cute sailing trip.

Library- They've got a great library system, and I wanna get a library card as soon as I get to Madison. I also want to check out the book stores, including the one I visited during my interview called A Room of One's Own (I'm assuming based on Virginia Woolf's book?).

Farmer's Market- And other grocery things, but there seem to be a huge amount of farmer's markets in Madison. There'll be one the Saturday after I get there, and I'm excited to get some fresh produce! I've never actually bought anything at a farmer's market. :)

Theater- They're going to have Idina Menzel in November! But until then, I want to check out the free things going on in the theater this summer, as well as the Concerts at the Park, the Carnival, and a bunch of things that happen only in the summer! It's time to take advantage of my wonderful new city!

Chicago- Things that interest me in Chicago: Glee Live- I know that it's coming up in a week, but if I can, I'd like to check it out! I doubt it, but it's a dream :) Otherwise, I really want to go to Six Flags. Chicago also has some really awesome theater.


I'll also be taking piano lessons, so I'd like to see if there's a community center or somewhere to practice, since the school closes its practice rooms at 4pm during the summer! The school offers a ton of stuff that I want to check out, like dancing lessons and sailing lessons. Definitely taking advantage of that.

I'm just all out excited to be moving to a new place! Wish me luck :)

Graduated

So I'm off into the real world after graduating college. :) I'll be in Wisconsin working as a Quality Assurance employee for a healthcare software company. I'm really excited. I'm also taking piano lessons from the college, and hopefully going to add some music classes once I get into the swing of things. My goal is to become a music theorist, or a composer, or just a lover of music (which I already am!).

Television

So I've ignored this blog for way too long. Mostly because I met a new love in my life- Netflix. I've watched many shows (and all of their seasons) due to this addictive website.

Bones- By far my favorite TV show, maybe more than Glee. It's now one of two (This and Glee) shows that I watch in real time (or well, hulu the day after).

Psych- I LOVE this show. It's hysterical.

Californication- I didn't really like this show. I watched the first season, and then stopped.

Weeds- This was a really good show, despite it's controversial topic.

Lie to Me- Started out as a really, really good show, but then got way too predictable.

Numbers- This show is great. Almost finished with it.

I've learned that I'm a much better TV person than movie person. I am not very good at predicting endings like Erin is, but I enjoy getting know people this personally as I watch them grow over 5 or 6 years of working together.

Finals Week

Wow. I'm really sorry, dear blog, that I have neglected you. As usual for finals week, I am trying to procrastinate on all of the things I should be doing.

Here's an update on the classes:

ENG 369- This class, South Asian Lit, is crazy. We talk about topics for so much longer than necessary, repeating things that have already been said. I know it isn't Dr. Jay's fault, but I feel like this class could have gotten so much more done had we been efficient about it. As for the final, it's written and just needs turned in. By noon tomorrow. :-\ I'm expecting a B+ or an A- in this class.

ENG/DST 169-Intro to Disability Studies. Taking a 100 level course in the midst of 3/400 level classes is rough. It's too easy to judge it in comparison. For a 100 level class, if I remember correctly, it seemed pretty fair, though after the first two weeks, I felt as though we just repeated concepts in different ways. As for the final, I have 2/15 questions done and it's due Wednesday at 4. Considering I've only missed points due to attendance, I'm expecting an A in this class.

MUS 303- Electronic Music. Wow, this class has opened my eyes to things I never would have dreamed I'd be doing. If only I wasn't so slammed with everything this semester, I could have gotten really cool projects out of it. For my final, I'm making a radio play, though I only have about half of it done and it was due today. Since I got sick on Saturday (where I had reserved 9 hours in the studio), he's letting me turn it in on Wednesday at noon, which is really, REALLY nice of him. I'm expecting a B+ or an A- in this class.

ENG 339- Early Romantic Lit. Toughest class of my literary-class life by far. Very interesting, and now I can't stop thinking about the concepts I learned in this class. I did pretty decent on everything, either an A or a B in this class depending on what he thinks of my final essay, since I currently have a 90% without 60% of my grade calculated...haha.

ENG 460- I loved the books we read in capstone class, and I really wish I hadn't been doing a thesis on top of this class, or I would've loved the idea of writing 40 pages of something. I have gotten some really good stories out of my writing for this class, though, one of which is similar to other stories I have written, and the others are very different. I'm expecting a B+/A- in this class, as I did really well on the participating side/reading the books side, but as for the Creative part of the class, I think I've fallen slightly behind.

MUS 371- Music Composition. I need to get sibelius on my computer, for I wasn't able to do any outside work for this class, which meant that I had to do all of my work in class. I don't know what grade I'll get, since I currently don't have a single grade. Our final was just a portfolio of what we've done so far.

MUS 100- Steel Band. So much fun this semester, though much harder. I played on every song, and it was wonderful. Since I didn't miss, and performed well, I'm expecting an A.

Thesis- Wow, I never realized how hard it was to write a BOOK! If Jody hadn't been coaching me the entire time, I would have given up long, long ago. It scares me that soon I'll have to start writing on my own and not have others help me. I am expecting a B+ (the + is a little bit of hoping) in this class, since I turned in one awful section, and didn't do the readings as in depth as I should have.

UA stuff- I learned so much helping teach the two classes -Music Theory and Freshman Composition (your basic freshman english). I'm so glad I did the program, even though it added to my super huge load. All I need to do is turn in my papers, and I'm gold.

So expected GPA= 3.52-3.74. Much lower than my GPA as of now, but considering it was the hardest semester I've ever had, I guess I should expect as much.

Well, back to work!

The Life of a Senior

It's been the craziest semester of my life. I don't think I've even updated everyone on everything I am doing. I am taking 5 English classes and 3 music classes this semester- all of which are requiring way more time than any class I took the past two years. Three of the English classes are reading intensive- requiring me to read about a book a week, which means that I'm reading about three books a week just in those classes alone. Then my capstone requires a book every two weeks, as well as writings and postings. My thesis was reading before, but now it's all writing. The last English class requires me to do a lot of researching and projecting, which is a ton of work for someone to do in a 100 level class. My music classes, two of which are composition and one which is steel band, require a ton of outside work to bring into class- steel band being practicing because I'm on every song.

I just registered for the GRE today, which was slightly painful considering the lack of funds in my bank. I'm still working 30 hours a week on top of everything. Then there's making signs constantly for DO, as well as writing critiques for Prism, creating a haunting Po Halloween reading for STD, advertising for Steel Band, and going to the library sessions on computer software. I also spent a huge deal of time for the Career Fair, in which I might get a job from this amazing company called Epic.

Oh, did I mention I'm teaching two classes? One is English, where I do a lot of grading and talking in class with discussions. The other is Music Theory, where I help with group work and have very meaningful discussions with Dr. Boge about teaching and theories and psychology.

I spend a lot of my free time with my friend, Erin Haley, doing homework, running around, and dancing. She has helped me a lot this semester from not going insane. This weekend we went to Fear Fest at King's Island, and then today we went to a corn maze. We have watched Sherlock Holmes, Letters to Juliet, and The Proposal this week, all of which have been lovely. We are studying for the GRE together, as well as struggling through our Romantic Lit class. Basically we're awesome.

Otherwise, I have had dinner with Erin Semple about once a week, and then I see Timothy Lucas sporadically throughout the week. I don't really see anyone else or have time for any other friends with my busy schedule. It's really sad. But hopefully next semester will be better, since I'll only be taking 16 credit hours. It'll be a wonderful time.

Summer

So summer is over. I start my student manager training on Monday. So much has happened this summer, and yet nothing has happened this summer. I have a ton of stuff I need to do during the school year to make up for the stuff I didn't do this summer, but I work best under pressure, so we'll see how that goes. :) I'm really sorry for not updating this (not that anyone reads it), but I'm heading into my last year of college, and I have a TON of stuff to do (since I'm skipping a year).