Saturday, January 17, 2009

The unimportant one.

Without you, live goes on...

Lately, I've been feeling very unneeded. Like, Jay's so busy at college, if I didn't exist, it wouldn't make an inch of difference to his life, 'cept maybe he'd get a girlfriend who lived closer. If I didn't exist, Luke would still be doing the same things he's doing now, since we haven't really hung out much since we've gotten back. Box would only be going to the gym three times a week instead of six, but the times with me hardly count because I sort of fake jog, which isn't really exercise. My roommates would feel the same exact way, because I'm hardly ever here to begin with. My old friends from marching band and I never really hung out to begin with. It seems like no one goes out of their way to hang out with me, but I go out of mine to try to hang out with them- it's the only way I can ever hang out with people. If I didn't ask first, I would never hang out with people. The only person who ever asks to hang out with me is Luke, and I always go with him whenever he asks, but he just picks and chooses whenever he actually wants to hang out with me.

That said, I need everyone I listed above. I need Jay more than/equal to my need for oxygen. Just knowing he exists and loves me keeps me going. I need Luke more than I've ever needed a best friend, because he's someone I can talk to and relate to on almost anything. Box is one of the nicest people I know and he's going through this whole music/other conflict with me, and it's nice to have someone to talk to about it. I love all of my roommates. They're all so wonderful, even if I hardly get to hang out with them. I can't imagine college without doing marching band last semester. It was the one thing that made me feel liked in college, but now that it's over, I never see anyone. Well, we ate dinner together Tuesday night, but really, it's only because Jenni and I have a class together right beforehand.

And like, I know everyone has their own lives, I just hate being background. I'm not in the forefront of anyone's mind. Ever.

3 comments:

Kelly Zimba said...

well if it makes you feel better, I care about ya!

Kelly Zimba said...

but i know how you feel...i think everyone feels this way sometimes, especially when thrown into a new environment that they have to get used to.

James said...

<3