seriously guys

laurel, you have so much. tennis, your writings, musical, and you're in like every other club at bethel. you're problem is that you have too much to choose from. i have nothing. all i ever do is work at crossroads or go home and sit on the computer or read. i never do anything else, because i'm either not good at anything else or i don't like anything else. maybe i should be more open minded to some things, but i'm just not interested in anything. maybe that's why i haven't changed my mind about being a teacher, even though i don't know why i would want to be a teacher- they get ridiculed by students and are rarely good at what they do. maybe i'll just go live on the streets and be nothing. :-\ i would never actually do that, but i seriously don't know what to do with my life. everyone else has so many options. and sometimes i want to say it's not fair, that i have nothing and that everyone else has so much, but then i have to look at what i do have, other than no talent, and that's a home, food, and all those little things that some people don't. and then i feel really horrible for ever thinking that i was lacking in anything. but then again, i go back to being selfish and think of myself and what on earth i'm going to do after school and after college. i was never one of those people to look really far into the future and plan my whole life. that was for other people to do. i remember discussing with one of my really close friends about what we were going to do when we grew up, and she had this really extravagant, thought out plan that included the names of her, 3 i think, children, when she was getting married, what she was going to do in life, and everything else. i just didn't care. and now that i think about it, maybe i should've. i don't know. i hope i'm just going through a phase and that soon enough i'll know exactly what i want to do. i hope.