Anger

Today we had wicked practice, from 11:30-9. Well, at least I left at 9. I didn't get any sleep, I haven't had any one to vent to (meaning yell at alli) for like three days because she's been god knows where, and I haven't eaten. Add that to the fact that everything has been going wrong for me for the past week. And the fact that my mother yells at me for everything! And so I just got fed up today and yelled at everyone, and flipped out, and everything. I was a youknowwhat. I can't take it anymore. I can't control my anger, I know that. I take after my mother, who takes after her schito mother. Which means I have anger problems. So when I'm mad, which is rare, because...well i don't know why, I am really mad. And upset, and angry, and miserable. It sucks, I know. But now I'm still mad. I already yelled at everyone at practice and probably made them all hate me, but now I am in the mood to be mad. And last time I was like this...January, i think it was, I was REALLY mad, and it was bad. You don't want to know what it was about. I wish....that I could be a happy little five year old who's worst problem is that someone took their gameboy from them. I wish that I wouldn't get mad, and I yelled at people, and I wasn't mad at them. I feel so bad. Maybe I should quit and just...I don't know. I remember back in eighth grade when I wouldn't talk to anyone becuase i didn't want to get mad at them and I didn't want to be confused and I didn't want to hear lies and...okay, I'm getting mad thinking about it. I wonder sometimes if I'm the only one like this. Everyone else seems to have a controlled temper. Why don't I? I don't know. I don't even know if i should post this. well, i guess i could, becuase only two people know i have a blog, and one was at the practice, so what ever. i don't care. I'm mad now.